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‘Saleem’: Disastrous Blunder of Perverts!

December 13, 2009

Caution: The following review is too long and offensive. Period! Parental Guidance is advised.

YVS Chowdary, a name synonymous with Lord NTR’s family worshipping, is back with a bang. And how?! His last film was a milestone in Balakrishna’s career, who had acted in some gems like Vijayendra Varma, Palanati Brahmanaidu, Allari Pidugu, Veerabhadra just before acting in YVS Chowdary’s ‘Okka Magaadu’. That film turned out to be a deathblow to Balakrishna’s career and he and his fans (I confess, I used to be a huge fan of Balayya, once upon a time) are still reeling from the tragedy of epic proportions. Immediately after the so called ‘success’ of Okka Magaadu, YVS Chowdary announced that he will be making a film with the rising star from yet another NTR’s family devotees, the Manchus. Manchu Vishnuvardhan Babu, had only one good film to his credit (Srinu Vytla’s, ‘Dhee’) at that point of time. He happily signed on the dotted line and convinced his father, Manchu Mohan Babu to act in a special role in the film. YVS Chowdary also convinced the heartthrob of  Telugu Cinema, Ileana to act in the film. Apparently, she didn’t even read the script and signed on the dotted line, just because it’s a YVS Chowdary’s film who had introduced her to Telugu Cinema with ‘Devdas’. Since, Mohan Babu still considers himself a 30 something, YVS Chowdary roped in another bombshell, Kaveri Jha to play a special role in the film. This is the brief history of how ‘Saleem’ took birth. But make no mistake, Anarkali’s ‘Saleem’ would be wincing in his grave that YVS Chowdary has used his name and made a complete mockery of both the name ‘Saleem’ and its cult status.

The film’s production took almost 2 years, BIG Pictures and Adlabs jointly produced the film and the total budget of the film hit a whopping Rs.23 crores.  Finally, the movie released on December 12th, 2009. And it’s a day which will live in infamy for the sole reason that ‘Saleem’ was released. It’s a disastrous film where the male species in the film cross all boundaries of desperation and when they ain’t in desperation, they make sure to piss you off with their constipated look. There are films which are in bad taste, there are also few films which make you cringe, but ‘Saleem’ sets a new standard in the genre of ‘epic disasters’ in Telugu Cinema. To get a gist of how bad the film is, lets say, ‘Saleem’ is one of those rare film which wouldn’t and shouldn’t be pirated. It’s so bad that the pirates would risk a huge loss and will run out of business if they try to sell the pirated DVDs in black market. That’s a huge achievement for any film. Now that, I have established the fact that it’s a bad film, let me elaborate and present my case on why I call ‘Saleem’ is a disastrous blunder of perverts!

Vishnu stars as Munna, who suddenly shows up in a village, Venkatapuram to save Satyavathi (Ileana) from a bunch of goons.  A second later he confesses that he’s in love with her. He becomes a part of Satya’s family and tries to woo her much to her chagrin. Few days later, Munna realises that her family loves her much more than he does, but here’s the catch, after 3 fights, 5 punch dialogues later, Satya falls in love with Munna. The virginal love ends there and she’s desperate for a good fuck. Atleast seems so. She showers (with full clothes on) in front of Munna, teases him with little kisses and yet our ‘Hero’ doesn’t fall into the trap. Is he a virgin? Probably not. Maybe yes. But that’s not the point here. After 4 fights and 40 minutes of buffoonery and sentiment which makes you wince, the interval bang takes you by surprise (however, it’s short lived). I realised that  I was cursing myself for sitting in that cinema hall, but then had to encourage myself, another 80 minutes of torture was left to be seen and endured. But can torture (not the blood, gore) be seen? Yes. You can in a film by YVS Chowdary.

Five minutes in to the second half, I realised the film is a rip off of Vipul Shah’s ‘Namastey London’ with a ‘curving bullets’ twist (remember, Angelina Jolie’s ‘Wanted’?). Mohan Babu, apparently the surprise package of the film, is introduced as OJO (Ogiralla Jogaiah)- a casino owner who has made it big in Europe. He knocks off a chap who earns lots of money by unfair means and learns that he has been double crossed by his English Translator (!). He decides to learn English and here enters Kaveri Jha, an English Teacher in Europe(!), who looks like a woman straight out of the glass houses of the Red Light District in Amsterdam. Since Mohan Babu is the ‘Okka Magaadu’ of Telugu Film Industry, in his own way, he gets ample scenes in the script which also includes romancing with the bimbo, who’s his English teacher, helping her tie the knot of her choli and even shake a leg in some random hills of Europe. Did we hear that he was doing a negative role in the film? Yes, but apparently, YVS Chowdary forget about that while making the film. On the other hand, Munna aka Saleem (Yes, he’s a sharp shooter, works for Mafia) successfully woos Satyavathi and three songs and 80 minutes later, the film comes to an end. A Happy Ending on screen. A Jubilation for the crowd that they can run out of the Cinema hall and stop the crowd outside the cinema hall to warn them from watching the film.

The film has its share of loopholes when it comes to the script. This is probably the first time that there’s no proper character introduction and the film starts on the same note as ‘Magadheera’. It foretells the future and two minutes later, the lead pair starts dancing for a song (as the titles roll on). Five minutes later, they meet for the first time and the rest of the film can only be seen to be believed! YVS Chowdary etches his characters with a sense of strange eccentricity, especially when it comes to the lead actress. She talks in a strange Nellore accent (in one scene) and that too with dialogues which make you cringe and howling in pain. The characterization of almost all the actors changes according to YVS’s mood (he penned the script). Hence, don’t be surprised if you find a rough and tough looking baddie dancing with joy for some lame reason! YVS Chowdary is also perhaps one of the biggest perverts in the film industry today and it can be seen in each and every frame featuring Ileana and Kaveri Jha. Yes, we know that both of them look like angels and are embodied with hour glass figures. That doesn’t give an excuse for zooming the camera into their bare ‘midriffs’ everytime they make an entry on screen. Sir, you could have left that to the judgment of the audience to decide what curves they should be concentrating on, instead of the high levels of ‘perversion’ you seem to have reached! The navel gazing is a painful exercise, especially if that alone has 15 min footage (on the whole) in the film. Ileana is one of the top actress in the industry thanks to her acting (sometimes, yes!) and her hour glass figure which most of the film makers try to show off on purpose. But Chowdary saab takes this to a whole new level and makes sure that you promise yourself not to look at her vital stats again in your lives after the 150 minutes torture. I wonder if, Ileana has seen the scenes shot during the shooting and even after the film has been completed. She should be embarrassed and if she isn’t, then there’s something wrong with her.  A special word for Kaveri Jha. Yes, we know that you haven’t got good roles, we also know that you don’t mind the so called ‘glamour’ roles. But for a lady who would have been an IAS officer, if she wasn’t an actress, where was the common sense?!  It’s a disgrace to not notice where glamour, sensuality ends and ‘pornography’ begins!  The perversion in ‘Saleem’ is probably the closest the mainstream Telugu films can get to show soft porn on screen. It’s suffocating and unforgettably profane, sometimes I wonder if it would be parents who would close their eyes or would they make their children close their eyes. It still baffles me that the Censor Board passed this film with an U/A certificate.

‘Padma Shree’ Mohan Babu garu, I believe you have been conferred that honour for a purpose. It would be great if you can stick to your art and stop spitting venom on your political rivals on every occasion. I liked your role in ‘Yamadonga’ and we need you more in such powerful roles, rather than watching you as a 20 something still trying to romance virgin girls onscreen. Please come to terms with reality that you are more than 50 years old, and you are not a ‘Harrison Ford’ at your age, and hence you need to do some apt roles. After ‘Yamadonga’, I kind of liked your role in ‘Raju Maharaju’ too. The levels of buffoonery you have reached in the film ‘Saleem’ are humongous, so much that the jokes didn’t even make a 6 year old sitting next to me. And oh boy! The boy himself. Dear Manchu Vishnuvardhan, congratulations for losing oodles of weight, but please for godssake can you do something about your voice modulation too?! The so called ‘punch’ dialogues are terrible, especially because it’s you who has dubbed your own voice. I wonder how did the script of ‘Saleem’ convince you to do this project and in the process also drag in BIG Pictures, Adlabs to produce the film?  Sandeep Chowta’s music is loud and lacks the charm of some of his earlier compositions. Ramana’s dialogues probably sound good on paper, but sound outrageously bad on screen. Editing by Kotagiri Venkateswara Rao could have been better, the best he could have done is to chop his own name from the credits! The only thing worth talking about is C.Ramprasad’s cinematography. It’s pretty sleek and pleasing to the eyes. And if he had the guts to convince YVS Chowdary and whoever responsible for the perversion to not let them push him so much, the government would have given him the’ Bravery Award’. In this process, he would have been conferred with special honour by Quick Gun Murugan for protecting the honour of women!

Phew! I think I should conclude now..:). If a film like ‘Saleem’ is released in 38 screens in Maharashtra, 5 screens in Delhi and countries like Russia and Japan, then I must confess that the future of Telugu Cinema is going to dogs! The Indian Telugu diaspora will probably continue to watch films, but a film like ‘Saleem’ is a blackmark on our ‘glorious’ history. Mohan Babu garu, it’s high time that you got your basics right and realise that you are a good actor and if your sons have real talent, then there’s no need for you to promote them so vigourously. Vishnu, please choose better scripts from next time, otherwise choose some alternative careers. That’s way it’s good for everyone and it will be doing a huge favour to the audience ! And dear Ileana, a style icon like you must read a script before you sign a film. And do something about this excessive ‘midriff’ display, will ya?! Kaveri Jha, please stop acting in films since people don’t take you seriously, it would be a better idea to get back to prepare for the IAS entrance exams, atleast we can boast of a “hottest” bureaucrat the country ever had, if you become an IAS officer. And YVS Chowdary, take a break. Take a long break. If possible, stop making films; if you can’t then get over this strange infatuation for ‘Ileana’ and insane, over the top and ludicrous films you seem to be churning out these days.

The film should have been titled ‘Haleeeeeeem’! Just that it is a badly cooked, rotten and pulverizes your head so much that it makes a certain Hemanth write a 2166 word article on how bad and how disastrous is this epic blunder. The film does justice to its bottom line, “Dummu Reputhadu” (Will make the dust fly). What they didn’t tell you that the dust rises not only on screen, but also in the cinema halls which leaves poor souls like us gasping for fresh air! A film that shouldn’t have been made in the first place. A masterpiece vying for the throne of the King of ‘All Time Bad’ films.  ‘Saleem’ is easily one of the worst films of 2009. It sets a new benchmark in Telugu Cinema against which every other bad film will be compared to and for that YVS Chowdary, Vishnu and Mohan Babu all deserve “Razzies” !

Yours truly,



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6 Comments leave one →
  1. December 13, 2009 7:00 am

    The film should have been titled ‘Haleeeeeeem’! Just that it is a badly cooked, rotten and pulverizes your head so much that it makes a certain Hemanth write a 2166 word article on how bad and how disastrous is this epic blunder.

    LOL. Epic Movie review.

  2. Anil permalink
    December 19, 2009 1:38 pm

    Very good review. I like following part of the review :

    “‘Saleem’ is one of those rare film which wouldn’t and shouldn’t be pirated. It’s so bad that the pirates would risk a huge loss and will run out of business if they try to sell the pirated DVDs in black market. That’s a huge achievement for any film.”

  3. December 19, 2009 6:15 pm

    aw… awesome review!

    i liked the way you started the review

    “Caution: The following review is too long and offensive. Period! Parental Guidance is advised.”

    thanks buddy ill tell my friends not to watch this **** Movie!

    • krishneo permalink
      January 1, 2010 12:02 am

      why do you want to miss a movie like this even after reading this hilarious review. ask your freinds to read this review also definitely watch this movie.

  4. March 31, 2010 7:41 am

    Like always, awesome review!! I adore Ileana


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