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Samsara…

September 7, 2007
by

A fine morning greeted by singing birds and warm sun,
There was buzz around nothing like I had ever seen,
Quite an anxious day it was turning out to be,
I was being goaded to prepare myself to meet my prospective in-laws along with their son,

It was as if my whole life depended on that nod!
How old was I? Twenty??
I was cajoled to leave everything in the hands of God…
It wasn’t the God that I thought of, but my life ahead which was filled with hopes plenty.

Little after 9 I guess, they had come,
I couldn’t wait and saw the guy from a crack on the door,
Impressive I thought, he looked too calm!
My plans had changed now and I toyed with the idea of life with him more and more…

I walked into the room and pretended not to see him,
He didn’t look at me either, but had the nerve to request for a private moment with me,
I wondered what he’s gonna say
That was the first time I cursed myself for being unprepared for this moment

He looked around the room,
And admired the zari on my saree,
Maybe he didn’t know where to start,
And I comforted him by blurting out something stupid!

After sometime we seemed to have hit a roadblock,
This was more or less a negotation
of what he likes and what I like,
little did we know how we are gonna end it!

And the unexpected happened atlast…
He asked, “What do you expect from me?”
I seriously had no clue…I had never thought about it myself,
He repeated once more, but I couldn’t say anything..

Now it was my turn and I struck my blow!
I asked,”Are you ready for this?”
This caught him off-guard and he kept calm,
Both of us kept calm and looked into each other’s eyes.

A little later, everything was fixed,
nobody gave us a chance to speak,
we were told that we were too shy to say anything
So…there it was…things worked out without even my nod.

Years later….one fine night,
I woke up to the sound of a thunder in the middle of a rain,
Wondering if my life was a dream or just a joke,
I looked around and found nothing but silence.
Silence and more of it, I had all day,
But I couldn’t get an answer for that “why?”
Why did this happen?
Why didn’t anyone stop it?

When I met him first, he asked me,
How do you see your life 10 years down the lane?
I didn’t have an answer, but he did
I wonder why he never told me what he had in mind.

Over the years, the roads diverged
and one fine afternoon that happened.
Ever since I tried hard to connect the dots of our lives
Trying to understand if he was one unhappy or was it me?

The smile on my face is gone
replacing that is a eternal gloom
of having done something terrible
An unfathomable fear of being the reason for his death.

Yes, he died…but he had killed me years before,
Years before, when he became indifferent to my presence,
It was as if I am no more than a ghost,
Ghost who destroyed his Samsara…

His Samsara…where I didn’t have a place!

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Roam2Rome permalink
    September 8, 2007 5:24 am

    Beautiful writing! 🙂

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