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Deja Vu…

May 30, 2007
I have a question for you….Have you ever been through a Deja Vu??…That’s a term used to describe something that you are so sure that has occured in your life and it’s occuring again although it might not be so…in several cases it’s more or less a small incident but rarely would you have heard of incidents of Deja Vu after watching a movie sometime back…..Now you might say, it’s stupid and quite a baseless statement to say. How can anyone experience the same things after having seen a movie of that kind??…

I am not talking about the usual comedy/romance/heavy drama/blah…blah of cinema….but i just can’t stop thinking about two movies that i saw earlier this year…..Italian movie “Noshtalgia” by Tarkovsky and Swedish movie “Cries and Whispers” by Ingar Bergman…while the former is full of silence of self and yearning for the beloved, the later is about sibling rivalry …..both these qualities spectacularly portrayed things in both these movies….In Noshtalgia you see a writer who’s thinking about his past and his homeland almost all the time though he’s in a distant country….and in the latter movie…you have two sisters who have developed huge mental walls between themselves for what may seem like a very trivial reason….

Lemme put things into perspective by saying that…I am that man who thinks about his past…maybe just too much…or maybe it’s just too many times…I guess it’s a combination of both which makes it seem so close like a Deja Vu….I wonder why I keep thinking so much about so many things…most of them might seem to be very silly which even my Mom tells me that I day-dream way too much and thus neglecting my day to day responsibilities…but then maybe I don’t see a better thing to do than to think and trying to find answers for what you think. So, in a way it’s both a boon and a curse to think a lot. On one hand it generates lots of ideas out of which maybe one day, one among them might change the course of your life….the curse is that, maybe it will lead you to a path where you believe that there are much better things to do in life than that. Right now, I am more inclined to the boon part of it….which brings me to my second Deja Vu….building mental walls for seemingly trivial reasons….

A question constantly posed by my mom is that, “Why are you so Lazy??!!…Don’t you see the other kids of your age of the present generation??!!…they are so capable of doing anything…” Now I wonder, why is my laziness a question of my capabilities…now I don’t claim that I can do anything….but since when did not doing something become…not capable of doing anything?? I think about this which takes time….and inturn it adds to my laziness…hehehe….quite an irony it is!!…Another notion is that, if there’s plenty of food with a TV(of course with cable) and a Computer (with internet)….it just doesn’t matter where I live…be it among tons of people around or on a maroon island!!…and I had a taste of that life for 2 days…something which I am not gonna forget….you see, again there I thought…What kind of life can you live when the person sitting next to you is forcefully avoiding to talk to you!!! and not willing to give up under any circumstances even though you are almost begging to talk….atleast if I am on a lonely island, i will be happy to live a life the way I want to live it…but with someone who’s willing to set up a similar condition at home!!….that’s scary…that’s really scary….Yes, this is me Hemanth who confesses that silence and lonliness is a scary thing when you know that you are not really alone and have to restrict the way you think and someone is actually watching you, why in the world are you like that!!….

Finally after having gone through 2 days of struggle within…there was a sunrise and atleast for the time being I was less lazy and atleast for the time being the mental wall collapsed!!….hoping that this phase of life of mine gives me wisdom to think what I wanna think without “starying” away from my generation….but WTF, why should I be like someone else, when in the end all that is gonna matter “How should I be myslef??”…Think about it. Maybe you will come across an answer….[:)]

One Comment leave one →
  1. Aswini permalink
    May 31, 2007 12:34 am

    The world is a wicked place, i agree. Survival is an art!

    Introspection- is it a boon or curse?!

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